Weight loss goals--

So these are my "rewards" for when I reach my different goal weights. I am pretty sure I will get to mark off 20lbs by the end of the week as I am at 164 right now. Which means I am almost half way to my GOAL weight of 132! Honestly I cant tell you when I was ever at 132. I have struggled with my weight all my life pretty much. Which is frustrating to me because I know at some point in the picture it wasn't something that I should have been worrying about because my parents should have been looking out for me. But they weren't. But I know that it has taught me how important it is, when I become a parent, to involve my own kids in lots of healthy active sports and teach them about healthy food. I have never really played sports, I say now because I am not interested. But as a young kid we didn't have the money for "extras" and my mom wasn't one to push us much to be active and play hard. So therefore I never played sports. Well I did for like one year in 1st grade. I am trying to be more active and work out. But its hard when its NEVER been a normal part of my life. I am hoping with my new job, nannying twin 6 month old, we will take a lot of walks and I can get more active during the day. I know working out will make the weight come off fast, and keep my mind on the goal. So I will get to worked into my daily life. But this week I am consternating on keeping track of the food I am eating. So here's to getting to my GOAL!

Something new---

I am again starting something new.I like changing things up and keeping things different, as I get bored pretty easily.So about a month ago I was reading Health magazine and they had this article about this new diet book coming out the first of Aug. Called the Carb Lovers Diet. I love carbs so I was intrigued to know more about it. I did a bit of research on it and I had a gift card to a book store so I thought it looked pretty good so I ended up buying it.
After I bought it I also did some research online about it. And I found this great blog of a girl that was one of the testers for the book. And she was in the middle of the diet and was loosing a good amount of weight on it and was really like it. So I felt even better about it. One of the recipes in the book is a banana smoothie for breakfast. And this past week I have cut out a lot of junk in my diet and started drinking one of the smoothies in the morning.And this week alone I dropped 2lbs. Which is very exciting.

So the first 7days of the diet is a lot more strict. Which is okay. After doing the VERY strict phase 1 south beach diet for 2 weeks I feel like I can do ANYTHING for 7days.And even with the "strict" part you can still eat a lot of yummy things. So I am not worried.They say you can can loose anywhere from 3-6lbs in the first week. So I am hoping to loose 5lbs and get in the 150s. I am currently 164.

Here I am again a few weeks later in the same size 10 jeans. Its amazing even what 2lbs can do. Because even thought these jeans still don't fit nor look good on me, I can now at least button them up :)
I still feel embarrassed to show what I look like in these. But I KNOW I don't want to look like this anymore and me opening up about how I really feel and how I look, I know is going to help me loose these next 34lbs. I know I am loved by my friends and family. But I don't want to be the fat girl or chubby girl anymore. I am NOT doing this for everyone else. I am doing this for ME. Because I know I deserve to feel good about myself for once in my life.


My stomach is probably my worse area. And the thing I HATE the most about my body. So I am hoping as these next 34lbs leave this area will get A LOT smaller :)

I am gonna try to blog everyday this next week through the 7days of the first part of the diet to keep me on track even more.

Stay turned tomorrow to hear about my goals....

Getting Back on Track---

So here I am again, trying to get myself back on track with my weight loss.

I am 2 lbs away from the 20lbs lost, and really I should be proud that I have taken that much off and kept it off all year. I have been up and down a bit the past month.
But I am ready to kick back into goal mode.
My birthday is in 12 WEEKS and my goal right now is to loose 10lbs by then. But to also fit in these jeans that I love but don't fit me quite yet by my birthday or to even be too big. I bought them at a garage sale for $2 knowing they would be great goal jeans.

So I have to say this makes me a bit embarrassed, not because I feel horriable about myself, but because I am not even sure how I got to this point and have been like this for so long.

But I do feel a lot better about myself then I did in the beginning of the year so I know its all a process and I am on the right track.
So I think I am going to do weekly weigh ins till my birthday, and photos of me in these jeans.
So here's where I am starting at!


Hopefully come Oct 15th I look WAY better in these jeans!
I can do it!

Me getting healthy--

This year started out with me picking a word that I wanted this year to be about. And the word I picked out was Change. There's lots of things in my life that I can see changes happening, but the major one I am going along with is me getting healthy, and living a healthier life. I did really good the first 2 months. And I lost about 8 lbs. And march happened and I wasn't loosing weight, because I know I wasn't eating well.

So I found the South Beach Diet book at the thrift store for pretty cheap, and for the last few weeks before that I heard that diet mentioned a bit. So I thought I would get it and read it and see. As I started reading it was something I thought hey I can do this. So I started on Monday, and the first 2 weeks on the diet is pretty strict with not much you can eat. And then after 2 weeks you start adding in more stuff. So I am on day 4. And its really been good. I cant say its been super easy, there's been some hard moments. But for the most part I have done REALLY well, and I can really see myself feeling better. They say you can loose anywhere from 8-13 lbs mostly they say its alot of water weight, but its still encouraging to see the number go down. And I already lost 6 lbs and I am super happy.

I am really going to stick with this. I feel like for once in my life I have control over myself and how I feel and the way I look.

So I am going to be bold and keep track on here the weight I am loosing. So to start out--

So the first of the year I started out at --182 (yuck!)

As of this pasted Sunday 4/18 I was down-- 174 (better)

As of today I am--168

My goal is --130

So if I loose 10lbs in the first 2 weeks of the diet and then 2lbs a week therefore after I could be at my goal the last week of Aug. Which is beyond exciting.

And I am being bold writing this because I REALLY REALLY want to do this.

And I am excited because Kalla is going to start the diet too so we can buddy up and give each other tips and what not. Its going to be a good healthy active summer!

Peace

So this daily thing sometimes hits me right in the gut--

They don't send out the daily on the weekend, but to be honest I don't always read them "daily" and thats okay with me, because there's times like tonight that I needed to hear it at this moment and not the other day.

Right before I opened up the email and alot in the last few days( and probable for a loooong time) I have had these thoughts, where I look at people and say to myself, I am never going to be that good( perfect). I will never have that perfect white smile, I will never have that perfect body, I will never be that pretty. And truly these false lies, that I let get into my head ,are killing me slowly. Because I let it affect everything I do. I cant be happy with someone that has the perfect everything. I know everyone has problems. And no one is perfect. But its how I see them.

And so I recognized tonight that I needed something, so I thought I would read the daily from a few days ago. And its subject was peace and the first line said-- Spend a minute asking God to help keep your mind and heart open to the things he wants to teach you.

Wow. Is God trying to tell me to be open, and not close myself off because I don't see myself as perfect, when in his eyes he thinks I am perfect? I feel like thats what he is trying to tell me. But I fight it a little. Scared that maybe its not real.

So then I started thinking about how much time and energy of my day I worry about what someone is thinking about me, will they think I am ugly, fat, if I say something will they think I am stupid, silly. All these things run through my head ALL day. And I want someone to just notice me. But why do I need someone to acknowledge me to make me happy?

And then I read the verse that went along with the daily-- Romans 8:5-6 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man[a] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;

I was then at a loss for words. How do I live a life accordance with the spirt?

It said --If we set our minds on what God's Spirit desires for us, we let go of trying to fight alone. We quit obsessing about the future and we rest in knowing that God is the full answer and the perfect provider.

I don't want to fight alone. I CAN'T fight alone. I know this.

The answer-- The battle between peace and chaos isn't easy. Our "old self" will tempt us to hold tight to control, to be our own answer, and to question God's power and love. But when we ground ourselves in the Spirit and let go of our fear and pride, the fruit of the struggle is peace.

So this place is my stand to ground myself in something that is peaceful.


Writing this down has made me think about things so much more, and teach me. If no one else every sees this it would totally be okay with me, and part of me wants to keep it private. But by doing that I would be accepting the fears of what ifs. And I don't want to live in fear. But in peace.

Patience

As I was reading the Daily( a lil kinda devotion from crossroads, that comes daily in my email) tonight, which is acutally for Fridays, its late thur night/early fri morning.

But back to what it was talking about. It talked about patience.

--I think I can be a patient person on somethings. Like I work with kids all day, so I have a good level of patients, like not going totally crazy when no one is listening.

But when it comes to my relationships, or lack there of, as in dating. I am not very patient. I get frustrated alot with God about this. Like why can't I have what tons of other people have. And before you start to feel pity on me, because thats not what I am looking for, I learned something from reading it.

It says in Romans 12:9--Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

For a long time I went after relationships for just the matter of having someone, to have that feeling of being wanted. I wasn't being sincere in love, and most of the time the evil things were wanted I went after, so i forsure wasn't clinging on to what was good.

And I know thats not who I am.

I learned that those ways aren't the way I want to live my life. I want to really practice patience with what God wants for my relationships.

It said at the end-- Ask God to help you experience joy through your patience.

I want joy in all parts of my life, I know there will be ups and downs, but I want that joyful spirit in my life, even when something isn't going "my way".

This last 6 weeks on the Free journey has changed my life. I really can say that. And its lil changes that maybe I can only see, and maybe not all the time do I feel totally changed. And I still have to fight hard to keep my freedom of what I have gotten back, and there's still lots I have to fight for. But I am here fighting.

So this blog I want to be a place I can freely share some of my thoughts, struggles, and joyful experiences. With freedom.

365 days + 1

Well 2008 is over. And if you didn't know this past year i was doing a project and i took a picture of myself (almost) every day (332 days).
Here is a collage of all the pictures. Not only was this a fun way to document my year, but it was a way for to me help be more creative in my photography and actually USE my camera everyday.
So for 2009 instead of doing 365 days I have deiced to just do 52 weeks. And some weeks might be a collage of photos from the week, or just one photo.
Check out http://flickr.com/photos/saragreen/ to see a more detailed look at them all.
I am so glad I decided to do this and actually stuck to it. On to 2009!