Peace

So this daily thing sometimes hits me right in the gut--

They don't send out the daily on the weekend, but to be honest I don't always read them "daily" and thats okay with me, because there's times like tonight that I needed to hear it at this moment and not the other day.

Right before I opened up the email and alot in the last few days( and probable for a loooong time) I have had these thoughts, where I look at people and say to myself, I am never going to be that good( perfect). I will never have that perfect white smile, I will never have that perfect body, I will never be that pretty. And truly these false lies, that I let get into my head ,are killing me slowly. Because I let it affect everything I do. I cant be happy with someone that has the perfect everything. I know everyone has problems. And no one is perfect. But its how I see them.

And so I recognized tonight that I needed something, so I thought I would read the daily from a few days ago. And its subject was peace and the first line said-- Spend a minute asking God to help keep your mind and heart open to the things he wants to teach you.

Wow. Is God trying to tell me to be open, and not close myself off because I don't see myself as perfect, when in his eyes he thinks I am perfect? I feel like thats what he is trying to tell me. But I fight it a little. Scared that maybe its not real.

So then I started thinking about how much time and energy of my day I worry about what someone is thinking about me, will they think I am ugly, fat, if I say something will they think I am stupid, silly. All these things run through my head ALL day. And I want someone to just notice me. But why do I need someone to acknowledge me to make me happy?

And then I read the verse that went along with the daily-- Romans 8:5-6 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man[a] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;

I was then at a loss for words. How do I live a life accordance with the spirt?

It said --If we set our minds on what God's Spirit desires for us, we let go of trying to fight alone. We quit obsessing about the future and we rest in knowing that God is the full answer and the perfect provider.

I don't want to fight alone. I CAN'T fight alone. I know this.

The answer-- The battle between peace and chaos isn't easy. Our "old self" will tempt us to hold tight to control, to be our own answer, and to question God's power and love. But when we ground ourselves in the Spirit and let go of our fear and pride, the fruit of the struggle is peace.

So this place is my stand to ground myself in something that is peaceful.


Writing this down has made me think about things so much more, and teach me. If no one else every sees this it would totally be okay with me, and part of me wants to keep it private. But by doing that I would be accepting the fears of what ifs. And I don't want to live in fear. But in peace.